The Morning of

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And I was nervous

“I’m too old to embarrass myself, intentionally.”

It had been 7 years since I was on any form of board in the ocean. And I was nervous. If I was a proper novice back then, I’d hate to imagine what anyone would be calling me now. I didn’t feel great.

6 Months until I’m 40

30 Kgs overweight

Clunky in a full costume

Physical ailments…everywhere

I’m going to look like a fool

I’m going to feel like a fool

I’m too old to embarrass myself, intentionally.

These were some of the kinder thoughts running through my head leading up to and on the morning of my first time back in the water, ‘surfing’. Then, the cherry on top was the wailing easterly (I have no idea either) that was blowing itself through the coast (which I only learned in the afternoon was the beginning of a mother of a storm that would sheet us with rain for a few days). By that stage, I had talked myself so far down the rabbit hole, reeking with self-doubt and that the experience was too nerve wracking for me to handle. Then, like with most things in life, when you are at the bottom, you can only go up.

Being the very determined person I am (having had a male friend laugh at me a few days prior when I told him I was going to get back in the ocean – had absolutely nothing to do with it…) and excited to recapture the novice experiences that I remembered, we arrived at the beach, S.U.P.E.R   A.M.P.E.D.But the beasterly easterly would not have it. After being abused by sand slapping me in the face while standing on the beach deciding if it would be worth our while to get our surf on a.k.a. get wet on the water while flailing arms and legs tried to look co-ordinated on a plank of polyurethane, we decided to recoil to the recesses of a beach café to only dream about what could’ve been.

If anything, the non-start of the morning made me more determined than ever. I’d overcome mountains in my mind. Smashed unloving self-doubt and most importantly, opened my mind to this new version of myself.

Vetchies beginner surf break. Watch out. Here I come, the beautiful; successful; lover of life; soul adventurer and mother of two.